I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize