We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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