why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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