I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
