Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
