I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
