I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
