I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
