Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
