I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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