The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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