were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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