I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
