This dress was meant to end up on your floor
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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