talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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