i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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