When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
