glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
