I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
