Taylor Swift is so right about you.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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