youre lurking in front of me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
