If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So much rum. So many feels.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
