i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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