should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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