Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
