what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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