I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
false alarm, still single
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
