very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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