Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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