i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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