just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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