He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
