there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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