It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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