I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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