yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
