We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
