alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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