It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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