He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
