apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
