I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
