five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
