He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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