sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So many bounce houses so little time
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
