WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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