i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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