I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
