ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
