I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
