i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
