Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
