Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
