Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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