I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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