Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
