Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
