Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
