My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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