Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
