you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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