This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize