It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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