You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
