What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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