i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
