If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
